Picture the Nigerian economy precariously strapped to the back of a badass rocket standing ramrod straight in the sweltering sun. Yes, the sun in Lagos is something else.

Then the CBN Governor steps forward gallantly to light the rocket with a lighted match (or is it cigarette lighter – now isn’t that dangerous?) expecting a loud boom, a shudder then after the smoke clears the rocket has taken us to nirvana. Ok. That didn’t happen. The rocket whimpered, rose a bit and crashed back with a thud, a thousand pieces of pewter Naira coins scattered in all directions; a lorry load of disappointment plastered on its metal face. Now Sanusi would know how ladies tied to one minute men feel. Utter dejection in the face of needed performance of a life-time.

Allegory aside, everyone knows that cashless initiative is going to be driven largely by POS (not what you think it is – it is Point of sales terminal). POS needs connectivity. Connectivity is only possible with mobile data. That is standard in Nigeria. Anyone who talks of wired broadband for something like POS should be strapped to a gurney at Aro.

That brings us to state of mobile data in Nigeria. This is a market that is practically begging to be exploited and yet the Telcos are not better than POS (the other one). Heard that NIBSS got into bed with MTN and Glo for POS connectivity but all I have gotten are screams of anger by frustrated card holders because POS don’t work well with POS (other one one) connectivity.

Truth is either the Telcos are greedy, myopic or both. A greedy Telco is smart, at least driven by greed to make profit. A myopic Telco could be saved if the CEO could run down to the optician around the corner. But a greedy myopic Telco is an abomination. Heard that there are over 2.5 million Blackberry ping away in Nigeria yet each of them sends at least 10 swear words to their mobile provider each day. Imagine the millions of debit and prepaid cards in Nigeria swiping away and yet the POS wouldn’t work.

What can be done? Maybe the Banks or the POS providers should come together to have a jaw-jaw with NCC (the folks that hand out telecom licenses) to create a company dedicated to providing mobile/wireless connectivity for financial terminals (think ATMs and POS – the real POS not the other one). The company wouldn’t run voice or be commercial and we can free ourselves from the one-minute rockets. At least that is what banks did to create NIBSS, ValuCard and InterSwitch. Bankers can be quite resourceful when money is to be made.

2 months later, Sanusi is back again. Walks gingerly to the rocket and presses a button after count down. The rocket let out wailing scream and it lunches Nigeria into the stratosphere of cashless society.

Finally, heavens intervened. Visa and MasterCard, in USA, are migrating their credit cards to EMV standards by April 2013 (Fish, Chip and PIN). Now that counts for something as most Americans prefer credit cards (easy money) and there are more of that circulating around than debit and prepaid cards.

So good bye to card clone frauds. But trust those boys, they are  coming out with something else soon

Farouk Lawan: What is Nigeria’s daily fuel consumption?
Diezani: 52million Liters
NNPC: 35m liters
DPR: 43m liters
PPPRA: 24M liters
Okonjo: 40M liters

Farouk Lawan: What was the subsidy for 2011?
Dieziani: 1.4Trillion
Okonjo: 1.3Trillion
CBN: 1.7Trillion

Farouk Lawan: Can we have the KPMG REPORT?
Okonjo: I have to go through the report first
Diezani: I have not seen the report

Farouk Lawan: What is the production capacity of our local refineries?
NNPC: 30%
PPPRA: 20%
DPR: 13%
Diezani: 15%

Farouk Lawan: Does Nigeria pay subsidy on locally refined Products?
Diezani: It depends
NNPC: The lay man cannot understand how it’s done
PPPRA: Yes
DPR: No

Farouk Lawan: Why is Kerosene still scarce?
Diezani: Because its use by the aviation industry as aviation fuel
NNPC: Because there is no subsidy so NNPC overstretched its resources
PPPRA: it’s not properly deregulated

Farouk Lawan: what is the balance in the subsidy accounts?
Diezani:It’s a virtual account
NNPC: There is no account in existence as the lay man will look at it
PPPRA: The account is a technical one
CBN: There is no account with us for subsidy
Okonjo: The account exists but not with a bank.

Government is budgeting for the following:

PURCHASE OF COMPUTER & ACCESSORIES:
(I). 90 HP DESKTOPS @ N300,000 = N27,000,000;
(II). 20 HP PRINTERS @ N150,000 =N3,000,000;
(III). 60 NOS. UPS @ N55,000 = N3,300,000;
(IV). 75 NOS.HP LAPTOPS @ N314,000 = N23,550,000 AND
(V). 10 NOS. SCANNERS @ N190,000 = N1,900,000.

What manner of PC are we buying at 300K a pop? And HP laptops at 314K? Are these mobile servers?

It seems I’m in the wrong business

That was in 2000. Using the same extrapolation, your genome could be hacked and analyzed (and probably backed up on a USB drive, Lord helps you if it gets virus infected) in 19 minutes by year 2022 and 2 seconds in 2032.

Actually, those figures are wrong. I think at the rate at which we are going, our genomes could be analyzed online real time in 7 years. And with human models being simulated by some smart folks, vaccine and drug development would leave the realm of the lab into pure algorithms.

Maybe we would finally conquer cancer, engineer immortality, figure out teleportation and  finally do away with work. My vacation ends in 24 hours and I wonder why anyone hasn’t figured this out. Sad.

I have mashed data from World Bank and CIA Fact book about the average price of a liter of gasoline across different countries which you can download here. The exchange rate used at the time of computation at the World Bank was N147 to a Dollar.

The table below shows the prices at the 18 cheapest locations too bad I can’t just drive there for a fill up:

First I divorced my previous web host because they got too cranky, nagging and wanted things I couldn’t give (more money!) despite the fact that their performance was just marginally better than a Russian Lada car raising a dust storm on a back road in Western Sahara. Along the line my bro hooked me up with another host but didn’t kind of fancy her (or it?). It lacked the pizzazz to make my blood sizzle. So like what boys do, I went searching for that fancy host. Found one, paid top dollars and guess what, absolutely rubbish! Too bad, premium wine down the basket, so back to the host I spurned – the one from my bro. maybe elders do know what is good for us after all.

Then I got into another function at work that practically sucked all the time I have. In fact, the few minutes I could eke out each day are spent thinking of how I could invent a time expander. Since Einstein said that time is relative, maybe I could find a way to get more minutes per hour, especially between 12 midnight and 5AM in the morn.

On a serious note, I’m actively considering my interest in ColdFusion. I have stick this for so long but I think Adobe is too greedy and too shortsighted that in 5 years, only dinosaurs would know how to write CF. Getting a decent hosting for a CF site is like asking for a pink elephant with wings. I could search forever.

Time to start punishing my friends with those crazy posts!

I turned to a friend who had one but then due to some vague business secrecy, I was told to hug an electric pole (told in a nice way that I actually looked forward to that shocking experience).

So like what geeks are known for, our impresario sat down and cooked some codes, helped with a generous dose of caffeine and bush meat and presto, a scrapper was born to scour the web for fragments and we built a database of the stock prices from January 1, 2000 till date.

But we won’t be asking you to hug the next shocking thing you can lay your hands on, we have decided to give out part of the data to anyone who needs to download and use for any type of analysis or financial weapon of mass destruction that can be cooked up.

The data is available for download in CSV from Google Docs. The data we have made available ends at December 31, 2010.

By the way, download and use this data at your own peril. We make absolutely no claim that this is not more than a collection of numerical junks.

Life wasn’t hard – it was a different universe!

So what about 100 years’ time? Like 2111?

There probably wouldn’t be internet anymore. Everything would just be connected. Maybe there wouldn’t be computers again. I imagine a life where computing is done in the proper cloud. Or if computing manages to stay around, processors would be optical and laptops would have 1Pb memories. Storage wouldn't be measured in Gigabytes. It wouldn't be even measured again. Just create content and store and store. Mobile communication devises would be embedded in your body running off your glucose. Probably synching your contacts with your thoughts. Imagine!

Electricity would have gone fully wireless since some dude should have finally cracked cold fusion and sparks are now sent via induction (if you don’t know what that is, don’t ask). You never know, power might even be free.  Free as in you buy a TV and then it comes with free power for life – just like Kindles come with free 3G bandwidth. Or did I mention TV? Maybe that wouldn’t even exist. Talk about immersive entertainment: 100% holographic. 3D should have gone extinct. When you sleep, you can order for a dream.

The concept of marriage must have been thrashed. Now, you just hook up. No need waiting anxiously for 9 months to know what pops out. Just head over to local hospital and upload your DNA (or do it online), mix and match and have a cuddly baby delivered in a week with lifetime access to free updates – updating DNA or access to vaccines for all manners of virus that bad dudes would be inventing. I know that is what we call health insurance now but then it would be super sexy. A new sex designation is now 20% of the population – people neither male nor female. Don’t be scared, Australia already has that: Male, Female, X! What do we call those; dudes? Head or tail you lose: if you use the male pronoun for them you get sued, if you use the female pronoun, you get punched. Oh, I forgot to add, kids won’t even need dads anymore. Or even mums too. Someone would have discovered asexual reproduction. But then who takes care of child support?

Cars would be fully electric with inbuilt cold fusion engines. 0 – 60mph would be in 2 seconds: Jeremy Clarkson eat your heart out! Hypersonic is the only way to fly: Lagos to New York in 1 hour. Someone would be offering beta of teleportation. I’m still wondering what would have become of trains. With cold fusion, Dubai and Abu Dhabi must have gone burst. Too bad, time travel would still remain un-cracked if not we should have seen some of those dudes coming around to show us things. Maybe they are even around, and helped the NTC to neutralize Gadhafi. Maybe not.

Education would have changed. Language would be converging, to Mandarin. A new world order? That is crossed finger discussion. Climate change anarchists would have been discovered as liars. Someone should have hacked the weather – developers would be starting a new rain forest in the Sahara.

You never know, someone could have discovered immortality or a crude alternative to it. There would be a park where dinosaurs would be allowed to roam. There would be total recall, no need to study, you simply can’t forget. Communication would be thought driven and you can back up your mind to the cloud. So if you lose it from a trip on LSD, the local clinic down the road can do a restore.

Those are things that could happen but on the flip side, a virus could have taken over US nuclear arsenals and what is left of us would be some hardy cockroaches (those are the only things that just won’t die a nuclear fallout) starting the slow progress of evolving into another human: 1,000,000,000 years in the making.