Being a boss is hard. But the hardest part may be letting people off when they don’t fit in. What constitutes “fit-in” is neither here nor there.
Here are 10 of the common “get the hell out of my office” lines I’ve ever used:
#1 I need to find myself
At some point in my life, I was so tired of being the boss. I didn’t want to keep being responsible for people and giving instructions. Everyone was so dependent on me, and I couldn’t keep doing that. It was suffocating. I needed some time to figure out what I wanted to do next and just catch a breath, so naturally, someone had to get fired.
No, they didn’t do anything wrong. Their presence was just stifling me, and I couldn’t think. I was simply wrong for them at that time. It really was just a me problem but it’s too bad they had to pay the price. I hope they’re okay wherever they are now.
#2 My girlfriend doesn’t like you
Relationships are way more important than work and I would rather spend all my time with those I love than spend a few hours of my day with some people trying to do big things and solve problems. Work was taking up too much of my time.
“Madam” absolutely resented the people I work with, most of all, my team leads with whom I spent most of my time. You know the saying, “happy (almost) wife, happy life”? I chose to be happy. My team leads needed to go. I’m sure they understood.
Life is too fleeting not to chase love, whatever the cost.
#3 You don’t respect my boundaries
I had employees who kept calling me whenever customers had issues that needed to be resolved urgently. They insisted these were emergencies and keeping the customers satisfied was vital to keeping the company alive.
It’s my company after all, I know what’s best for it. The customers can always wait till tomorrow. But you know who I couldn’t make room for tomorrow? The employees who disturbed my peace. I would have done a great disservice to myself if I didn’t fire them. Of course, I care about my customers, but not enough to sacrifice my boundaries.
#4 I’m not getting value for this role
From time to time, employees talk about an increase in their salaries for a cost of living adjustment. What about me? Well, I decided to do a ‘cost-of-employing-you’ adjustment and I adjusted that to zero. It wasn’t my fault. The economy backed me in a corner and they needed to go.
#5 You’re boring
If I’m going to devote my life to working with people, the least they can do is be interesting. Do you get the ‘ick’ about some people? When you can’t really put your finger on it but you just know you don’t like being around them. It’s too tedious.
It doesn’t matter if we’re doing serious business at work, you need to loosen up and make it your priority to be lively at work before anything else. Is that too much to ask? Ugh! Well some people gave me the ‘ick’ and I gave them the boot. Good riddance!
#6 You work too hard
I’m well aware that the purpose of coming to work is to … well, work but some people take it too seriously. Why would they work for hours on end and expect me to do the same? I don’t appreciate being nudged or having discipline forced down my throat. I prefer to work on my own terms and no, I don’t care if anyone is waiting on me.
It’s just work. It can wait. Sheesh. Relax and live a little.
#7 You’re not a good friend
A lot of people like to say work is impersonal and the people you meet there are just your colleagues. That’s a whole lot of cow dung. If I’m going to spend about 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for about 40 years of my life with a bunch of people, we are family. I don’t care what the DNA results say.
I employed them and I expect them to be good friends and stick with me through thick and thin. I need to feel excited to talk to them and above all, they need to understand me when I’m having a bad day and not hold me accountable.
I’ve fired anyone who has been the opposite of this. I don’t have time for nonsense. Get an attitude adjustment.
#8 You do exactly what the company needs
This one really does my head in. Do you know how frustrating it is to work with oversabi people? I employed them to do A, why would they add B even though it’s absolutely necessary? They’re just employees. It’s not their business if the company will suffer when they don’t pitch in.
I don’t like people who don’t know how to stick to their lane.
Ewww.
It’s no surprise when I want them gone.
#9 God told me to let you off
I didn’t create myself so life isn’t always all about what I want but rather, what my creator commands. A few times, something about an employee just didn’t sit right with me. I tried to ignore that feeling but it just wouldn’t quit and I knew what I had to do.
I felt so strongly in my Spirit that they had to go and I did the only thing I could do and fired them.
Who am I to say no when God says yes?
#10 You get upset when I’m being a bad boss
So what if I don’t pay their salaries for 3 months? Or what if I ignore my executive duties or deliver mediocre results? Why do they get so upset? Life is not that hard and I’m not perfect.
My advice to them is to grow thicker skin and be more tolerant. And of course to get the hell out of my office.
They don’t have what it takes to be here.
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I know I have an enviable amount of self control and some of you have even fired people for less. I like to give people time to do the right thing but I can’t wait forever. I’m running a business, not “Adedeji Olowe’s halfway house for lost staff”.
If I haven’t made it clear enough, my ideal staff consists of fun, lively individuals who don’t take work too seriously; do the bare minimum; don’t bother me with customer issues no matter how urgent; cater to my every mood and emotion; are willing to work for free, and of course, are thoroughly liked by my girlfriend.
What do you think?
Absolutely RIDICULOUS right?!
Well that’s exactly how it sounds when employees quit their jobs AKA fire their bosses because they need to go “find themselves” or work isn’t “fun” or they get critical feedback for a poorly done job.
It’s work, not Disneyland.
The reasons I’ve shared with you are actual real life reasons (some paraphrased, of course) that my staff have quit. Although I’ve seen this happen quite a number of times, it still shocks me everytime. It takes grit and discipline to build something valuable that will stand the test of time. It’s no easy feat and it’s definitely not for the faint-hearted.
I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been left high and dry for reasons I still can’t make sense till today. Employees tend to be so focused on what’s going on with them that they forget that their employers are human beings too.
If I acted on my every whim, where would we even be?
