A safe place to rant
Someone came around to pick some mails in my office. While signing for the mails, I saw that he’s a Joseph. I jokingly asked him if his wife was Mary and his son Jesus? You can guess his reply?He said he ain’t Joseph the Carpenter but Joseph the Prime Minister.
My Verdict? It is more interesting to be rich and powerful than to be the father of King of Kings. Duh!
On their wedding night, the bride told her husband:
“Honey, am a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex,
Can you explain it to me first so I don’t embarrass you?”
OK, sweetheart. Putting it simply we will call your part “the prison” and call mine “the prisoner”.
So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison. As simple as that.And so they made love for the first time.
The bride found it pleasurable and soon both were tired, lying facing the ceiling, smiling with satisfaction.
Suddenly the bride giggled and came closer with a suggestion: “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”
Turning to her side he replied: “Then we will have to re-imprison him”
After the second time they lay exhausted. But just as the guy was reaching out for his towel to visit the bathroom the bride had another observation: “Honey, the prisoner is out again.”
The man turned and faced her with a surprise look.
“What did you say”
“Honey the prisoner escaped again.”
He couldn’t believe it. He had married a machine. He found himself yelling at her;
“Hey girl let him escape. Nobody said this was going to be a life imprisonment.”
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.What’s up? he asks
"I am having a heart attack" cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he was dialling, his 4 year-old son comes up and says, " daddy! daddy!! uncle ted is hiding in your wardrobe and he has no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.
"You jerk" yells the husband, " my wife is having a heart attack and > all you can do is run around with no clothes on scaring the kid"
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.Then she noticed a young man smiling at her, presuming he was laughing at her on account of her condition. She changed her seatbut he only seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing.She had had the bus stopped, found a Policeman and had the man arrested on a charge of intimidation.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read “Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins”, then she moved under one that read “Sloans Liniments remove swelling”.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read “William’s Stick Did The Trick”.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read “Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.”
The case was dismissed.