Category: General

Read about Adedeji’s take on technology, payments, financial inclusion, career, and credit.

Wedding Prisoner

On their wedding night, the bride told her husband:

“Honey, am a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex,
Can you explain it to me first so I don’t embarrass you?”
OK, sweetheart. Putting it simply we will call your part “the prison” and call mine “the prisoner”.
So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison. As simple as that.And so they made love for the first time.
The bride found it pleasurable and soon both were tired, lying facing the ceiling, smiling with satisfaction.
Suddenly the bride giggled and came closer with a suggestion: “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”
Turning to her side he replied: “Then we will have to re-imprison him”
After the second time they lay exhausted. But just as the guy was reaching out for his towel to visit the bathroom the bride had another observation: “Honey, the prisoner is out again.”

The man turned and faced her with a surprise look.
“What did you say”
“Honey the prisoner escaped again.”
He couldn’t believe it. He had married a machine. He found himself yelling at her;
“Hey girl let him escape. Nobody said this was going to be a life imprisonment.”

A fool for life

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. What’s up? he asks
 “I am having a heart attack” cries the woman. 

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he was dialing, his 4 year-old son comes up and says, ” daddy! daddy!! uncle ted is hiding in your wardrobe and he has no clothes on!”

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

“You jerk” yells the husband, ” my wife is having a heart attack and > all you can do is run around with no clothes on scaring the kid”

Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident…

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.Then she noticed a young man smiling at her, presuming he was laughing at her on account of her condition. She changed her seatbut he only seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing.She had had the bus stopped, found a Policeman and had the man arrested on a charge of intimidation.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was:

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read “Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins”, then she moved under one that read “Sloans Liniments remove swelling”.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read “William’s Stick Did The Trick”.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read “Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.”

The case was dismissed.

What men 'v got to say about them women…

This is what some of the great men have thought about marriage and Women….. Some when trying to be humorous…… What a shame.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. –David Bissonette

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. — Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them. — Dumas

The great question, which I have not been able to answer is, “What does a woman want? — Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. -Sam Gromwell

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” – Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” -James Holt McGavran

“The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.” – Colin Chapman

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” – Patrick Murray

My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. – Stanley Greaves

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his check book open. — Groucho Marx

My wife only has two complaints. Nothing to wear and not enough closet space. – Crasto

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. — Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. — Milton Berle

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spent less than my wife did. – Rodney Dangerfield

I own the pepsi

A Jamaican Rasta man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said, “Your Honor. I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody.”

The judge turns to the husband and says, “What do you have to say in the matter?” The rastaman sat for a while contemplating…then slowly rose. “Your Honor, If I man put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it…’I and I’ or the machine’s?”