Times have changed

25 years ago……

A program was … a television show
An application was .. for employment
Windows were….. something u hated to clean
A cusor … used profanity
A keyboard was …a piano
Memory was….. something u lost with age
A CD was… a bank account
If u unzipped in public u went to jail
Compress was something u did to garbage
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
Log on was adding wood to fire
A backup happened to your toilet
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
Cut.. u did with scissors
paste.. u did with glue
A web was a spiders home
And a virus was the flu!!

.. Times surely have changed

A Visit to Mental Asylum

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, “What is the critera that defines a patient to be institutionalized?” “Well…” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, and offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask them to  empty the bathtub.”

  1. Would you use the spoon?
  2. Would you use the teacup?
  3. Would you use the bucket?

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would  choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“Noooooo,” answered the Director. “A normal person would pull the plug.”

The Pope's last request

As Pope John Paul II was dying; he sent for Tafa Balogun and Dipereye to come to the Vatican.When they arrived, they were ushered to his bedroom. As they entered, the clergyman held out his hands and motioned them to sit on each side
of the bed.

The Pope grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both Tafa and Dipereye were touched and flattered that the old Pope would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled because the Pope never gave any indication that he liked either one of them. Finally, Tafa asked,

“Father, what for did you ask the two of us to come ‘here?”

The old Pope mustered up some strength & said weakly,

“Jesus died between two thieves, I will like to die like him”

Applause

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory.  To entertain them the Major called for this HOT number from the nearby town.

She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad.  They clapped for 5 minutes.For her second number she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G strings.  This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on.  The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked.  The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage.

The Major asks her, “What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?”

She replied, “Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?!!?”