Month: September 2005

My CF8 wish list

The CF8 flour is in the mix and on its way to the oven. Now that we’ve been asked to dream big, so I will be stating my own wish list here.

  • Better charts. CF charts are clunky. Something sexy should make my blood boil, and my purse thicker from saving money on charts components
  • Man, we gotta reduce the flash form bloat
  • A custom preloader would be lovely. So also is attachable style sheets
  • Some days, CF and Flex should be husband and wife
  • More DB drivers
  • XML DB driver? It would be very cool if CF can natively manipulate XML like a DB
  • Dynamic DSN

And a lot more. If you have yours, you can state it here too.

Email and Success

A jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him clean the floor as a test. “You are employed”, he said. “Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start”.

The man replied “But I don’t have a computer, neither an email.” “I’m sorry “, said the HR manager, “If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.” The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He sold the tomatoes in a door-to-door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times and returned home with $60. The man realized that he could survive this way, and started to go every day earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family’s future and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, “I don’t have an email “. The broker answered curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email ?!!!”

The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes , I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!”

Moral of the story….

Moral-1 – Internet /email is not the solution to your life.

Moral-2- If you don’t have internet / email, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral-3- If you received this message by email, you are probably already an office boy/girl and not any close to being a Billionaire.

So guys, am shutting down my blog and would be selling tomatoes!!!

New Lingo for an Old Priest

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit! “

Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had “fallen.” This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe, old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

“Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they’ve fallen.”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, because your wife has already fallen three times this week!”

Laughter is the best medicine

Work could be very killing. And for some of us, work is murder, murdering the very fun out of our lives. But ain’t gonna sit on my butt and let this work zapp the fun out of me. On a good day, I am a natural clown. So? I am going to upload my library of jokes (not available on CFLIB…) and when you feel like cracking a rib or two, you could, em, come here and download some.

There would be texts and videos, some of which could make your mama spank you if you are under the age of 21.

Naija Airways!!!!!

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the south. If luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village! Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka Airlines Plane , where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can’t find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat …and for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.”