Author: Adedeji Olowe

Adedeji / a bunch of bananas ate a monkey /

Fermi Paradox, Time Travel and my Non-Visiting Grand Children

Recently bored, I found myself reading about Fermi Paradox. You see, quite a lot of scientists believe that there are intelligent beings outside planet earth – we just need to fly out there and shake their hands, if they actually have hands that can be shaken. In fact, the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence can trace its roots to 1896 when Nikola Tesla thought radio waves could be used to communicate with badass aliens but then Fermi posited, quite surprisingly, that if aliens really exist then we should have seen them hanging around at the local pub.

By the way, same paradox applies to time travel – if it actually works then I should have seen my grand-children come visiting from the future. Unless they hate me so much, they wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. So, I better changed my lifestyle and be a better dad!

My take is entirely off-tangent. There could be extra-terrestrial intelligence and there might not be. We simply don’t have enough science and technology muscle to lift the lid off the bottle of life.

But what if other lives exist in forms that are so completely different from ours that it is practically impossible to know about them or interact? What if they don’t exists in biological or organic form? What if they are like radio waves? What if they are in a completely different dimension without matter or time? What if the whole universe itself is a life? What if we are not real but just a bunch of random simulations? Where do we go when we die? What is our consciousness made of? Is our mind and personality made from interactions of neurons or the neurons is just an interface to a life-form beyond what we know?

Sounds implausible? Of course not!

Has anyone seen a radio wave before? We didn’t even know about Electromagnetic waves until just a few hundred years ago and yet today all our lives and livelihood depend on it. If we could wake up a dude from the time of Moses, he wouldn’t recognize any of the stuff that makes our daily life – how could Zuckerberg be worth billions without a single cow!

Time I get back to some serious work.

In 100 years, 9 women will deliver a child in a month

Envision a world of interconnectedness, with computing in the cloud, holographic entertainment, electric cars, and perhaps asexually reproduced babies with lifetime updates. Maybe in a hundred years time…

100 years ago was 1911 – life was hard (simple if you read the romantic part of history). Planes were still toys. There was no TV or X-Factor. Rick Dees wasn’t even born then. The concept of the connected meme was still 30+ years into the future. Kids born out of wedlock were called bastards and most women couldn’t even vote. If you wanted to talk to your friend, you simply walked over.

Life wasn’t hard – it was a different universe!

So what about 100 years’ time? Like 2111?

There probably wouldn’t be internet anymore. Everything would just be connected. Maybe there wouldn’t be computers again. I imagine a life where computing is done in the proper cloud. Or if computing manages to stay around, processors would be optical and laptops would have 1Pb memories. Storage wouldn’t be measured in Gigabytes. It wouldn’t be even measured again. Just create content and store and store. Mobile communication devises would be embedded in your body running off your glucose. Probably synching your contacts with your thoughts. Imagine!

Electricity would have gone fully wireless since some dude should have finally cracked cold fusion and sparks are now sent via induction (if you don’t know what that is, don’t ask). You never know, power might even be free.  Free as in you buy a TV and then it comes with free power for life – just like Kindles come with free 3G bandwidth. Or did I mention TV? Maybe that wouldn’t even exist. Talk about immersive entertainment: 100% holographic. 3D should have gone extinct. When you sleep, you can order for a dream.

The concept of marriage must have been thrashed. Now, you just hook up. No need waiting anxiously for 9 months to know what pops out. Just head over to local hospital and upload your DNA (or do it online), mix and match and have a cuddly baby delivered in a week with lifetime access to free updates – updating DNA or access to vaccines for all manners of virus that bad dudes would be inventing.

I know that is what we call health insurance now but then it would be super sexy. A new sex designation is now 20% of the population – people neither male nor female. Don’t be scared, Australia already has that: Male, Female, X! What do we call those; dudes? Head or tail you lose: if you use the male pronoun for them you get sued, if you use the female pronoun, you get punched. Oh, I forgot to add, kids won’t even need dads anymore. Or even mums too. Someone would have discovered asexual reproduction. But then who takes care of child support?

Cars would be fully electric with inbuilt cold fusion engines. 0 – 60mph would be in 2 seconds: Jeremy Clarkson eat your heart out! Hypersonic is the only way to fly: Lagos to New York in 1 hour. Someone would be offering beta of teleportation. I’m still wondering what would have become of trains. With cold fusion, Dubai and Abu Dhabi must have gone burst. Too bad, time travel would still remain un-cracked if not we should have seen some of those dudes coming around to show us things. Maybe they are even around, and helped the NTC to neutralize Gadhafi. Maybe not.

Education would have changed. Language would be converging, to Mandarin. A new world order? That is crossed finger discussion. Climate change anarchists would have been discovered as liars. Someone should have hacked the weather – developers would be starting a new rain forest in the Sahara.

You never know, someone could have discovered immortality or a crude alternative to it. There would be a park where dinosaurs would be allowed to roam. There would be total recall, no need to study, you simply can’t forget. Communication would be thought driven and you can back up your mind to the cloud. So if you lose it from a trip on LSD, the local clinic down the road can do a restore.

Those are things that could happen but on the flip side, a virus could have taken over US nuclear arsenals and what is left of us would be some hardy cockroaches (those are the only things that just won’t die a nuclear fallout) starting the slow progress of evolving into another human: 1,000,000,000 years in the making.

Cashless Nigeria by Force, by Fire!

I was recently reviewing a CBN report on Cashless Nigeria and it is scary to know that 65% of Cash in Circulation is outside the banking system. I guess everything the CBN can do to cajole those who have ecstasy at the sight of cash wouldn’t work. Time we did it differently. What will happen if the CBN changes the Naira design with 1 year for everyone to comply or the Ghana-must-go of cash becomes an anthropological artifact? The whole cash would have to come to the banks to be changed, isn’t it?

What if the CBN puts a cap on the amount you can get back as cash but the rest has to be paid into some accounts, even if it is a mobile wallet? What if there is no penalty for pay in but there is for cash out?

We have done even crazier things in Nigeria and we can pull this off. The whole Cashless stuff is kind of tiring when you consider the efforts guys have put in but then nobody said it’s gonna be easy. The rest of the country is going to be on Cashless in few months and I hope we can drag them kicking and screaming into the new dispensation.

BroApp Makes Love Perfect!

I dreamed about it, talked about it. Well, it’s here. You know dreams can come true sometimes.

Introducing the BroApp – an app that takes the pain out of dating or relationship, especially when you are into a pesky, attention hungry woman. I’m not a misogynist (far from it!) but some ladies need more attention than a tropical plant grown in the Appalachian Trail.

Of course some men need attention too – constantly badgering their women with needy calls and SMS. They cry like ninnies.

So BroApp is here to help – configure it and it constantly send messages to your significant self (or their assistants, he he he). But it is smarter than just that. It knows when you are at your GF’s place, so it keeps quiet. Doesn’t send any message when you have recently sent one and it is super hidden on your phone. Still wondering what it does if you hang out on a weekend trip with your babe and then it sends that darn message! The Lord have mercy on your soul.
Before you head to the pantry to grab your nail and hammer to hang me on a rusty cross, why can’t we use technology to better a frosty relationship? After all, we all use Skype to get in touch. I hate the damn thing!

I can imagine the revulsion of my friends about this. After all, I have gotten almost slapped for suggesting artificial womb, bionic eyes, etc. But the no one ever thinks it is strange flying in a plane. Some say that if God wanted abc, he would have done xyz. Meanwhile, why wasn’t anyone born with a radio chip implanted?

So let technology or apps like BroApp flourish so the average Joe like me could focus on more interesting things.