The agony of dude with a beer gut

It ain’t everyday you get to be called a dude and when you manage to be called one, you want to hold on fast like a leech to that even if the desperate talons of old age is fast clutching at your throat.

So you can imagine the shock of a self confessed dude who woke up one morning to discover that a beer gut has grown and attached itself firmly to his midsection. What a mess! What a disgrace!

Now, to be a dude, you gotta be trim, lanky and all the works, you know. You don’t need the six packs, four would do. Definitely, a beer gut is out of it. Not that you can’t consume beer but a dude must be able to drive through a line of bottles without his gut shooting out an inch.

With the dudeship about to be forcibly yanked away by the annoying beer gut that won’t hide itself, my dude (your dude) went about looking for subtle and drastic ways of sending the unwelcomed visitor away. The most obvious strategies were to cut back on food and hitting the gyms.

Cutting back on food wasn’t difficult because the dude could convince his wife that his new found hatred of food is good for the health of both of them (and the family inclusive) even though that is a dubious assertion on its own. Hitting the gym didn’t sound too nice because it involves strength of the mind that the dude hasn’t been able to call up. Of course, he lied to his wife, and everyone who tells him about the benefit of fitness that he’s a busy professional.

Running away from food has helped a bit but the beer gut is still hanging at the mid side though smaller. So it looks like the dude either goes to borrow strength of mind to hit the gyms or come to terms with the unwanted visitor.

The truth is, the dude is getting old and you can’t be young forever. Now, what can this suffering dude do?

Dara is one year old!

It was just like yesterday that Dara (my daughter) literarily popped out into this mad mad world; and she’s been a bundle of joy ever since.

And today marks her first year on planet earth. It’s been fun all the way. I remember when I was so impatient that she wasn’t walking on time, now I practically beg and bribe her to sit down and stay still. But children ain’t corrupt like the rest of us, so she’s not playing ball.

And tomorrow, I too will be a year older. Since from my own estimate I am now a member of the Elder’s forum, I will get myself a decent walking stick and dab some white talc on my brow: Here comes Grandpa Deji!

The shorter the better

Can you imagine? I haven’t written a single technical article in months. The folks at CFDJ (I promised them heaven and earth) must be thinking of spilling my blood by now. And to make matters worse, I’m adding a short story section to my blog.

What will you find there: true life stories, half truths and plain fiction. But all they have in common is just to entertain you & me of course.

The Greatest Disappointment

A Yoruba adage made popular by the legendary singer, King Sunny Ade, says “Akinkaju t’o mo’ja ti’o mo’sa iru won ma’n b’ogun ibo mi lo ni”. Meaning a good warrior knows when to advance and when to retreat. And a better warrior even knows whether to go to war or not.

Now I’m talking about Donald Duke. I am so pissed off with him that if he was Dara (my baby) I would have whipped his bum silly. Can you imagine this guy raising up everyone’s hope then throwing in the towel so cheaply without a fight? I know politics is about strategy and it is about give and take.

Well, we all remember that when the issue of presidency came up, Duke was playing hide and seek and he wouldn’t come out on time. But when he decided to, everyone was happy. There wasn’t any doubt that I was going to march every member of my family (at gun point!) to go and vote for him. His credentials are impeccable. He’s up to the task. At last, we all felt Nigeria was set to graduate from the remedial classes.

How wrong we were. Baba just called him last Thursday night (two days to the December 16 PDD Presidential primaries) to shakara the guy and he just collapsed like that. What a shame! Didn’t he know all these before? Didn’t he know there would be an anointed from the north? We all thought he had all it takes to fight it to the end.

No wahala. We must move on, but Duke better not bother come and disturb me again because I only stake my votes with people who know what they want to do. And em, with Yar’ Adua, I don’t know what to say because I don’t know him. I didn’t ‘en know there was a governor called a Yar’ Adua before this presidential primaries. However, the few I have heard people say about him are pretty ok. Not fireworks in terms of, em, say reforms and ideas, but at least, I heard he’s honest and not corrupt and no matter what, we need a massive dosage of that in Nigeria, especially after the last 8 years of garrison politics.