Category: Personal

Read Adedeji’s thoughts on more personal issues with the mix of humour and truth.

New Lingo for an Old Priest

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit! “

Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had “fallen.” This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe, old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

“Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they’ve fallen.”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, because your wife has already fallen three times this week!”

Laughter is the best medicine

Work could be very killing. And for some of us, work is murder, murdering the very fun out of our lives. But ain’t gonna sit on my butt and let this work zapp the fun out of me. On a good day, I am a natural clown. So? I am going to upload my library of jokes (not available on CFLIB…) and when you feel like cracking a rib or two, you could, em, come here and download some.

There would be texts and videos, some of which could make your mama spank you if you are under the age of 21.

Naija Airways!!!!!

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the south. If luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village! Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka Airlines Plane , where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can’t find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat …and for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.”

Condom in the rain

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.  One wet and rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.  She looked out the window and yelled to her lover:

“Quick, jump out the window; my husband’s home early!!!””I can’t jump out the window!” Came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. “It’s raining out there!”

“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s got a very quick temper and a very large gun; the rain is the least of your problems!”

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon.  So he started running alongside the others, about 300 of them.  Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.  After a little while, a small group of runners that had been studying him with some curiosity jogged closer.

“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.

“Oh yes!” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free.”

Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”

“Oh, Yes!” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

“Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

“Nope… just when it’s raining.”