Author: Adedeji Olowe

Adedeji / a bunch of bananas ate a monkey /

Nigeria has 17M Internet Users, More or Less

Some people have been throwing some fantastical numbers about Nigeria having 43 million internet users.

I really don’t know who cooked up this ultra-sloppy data but no wonder the over-creamed salad of consultancy advices smell like rancid skimmed milk.
If Nigeria has 43 million internet users then I probably have a pink elephant, with wings, prancing around my backyard.

So how many do we have? Judging from MTN’s latest financials (2012), they have 3.8 million smart devices (those that can consume internet without choking up – actually MTN is so parsimonious that not even a 12K US Robotics modem can choke on it) and 201,000 dongles. That comes to 4M internet devices (many being fondle-slabs). Since MTN has 47.5% market ownership, we can extrapolate 8.42M internet devices. If we are optimistic, can we argue that 2 people use a device (Nobody shares my phone with me though). Maybe 17M users. Far cry from 43M.

Why this 43M magical number is apparently not wrong to smart pant consultants baffles me.

Scientists Network Rat Brain. Coming to a Moron Near You

Surprising news this morning. Some mad scientists have been able to network two rats’ brains together. Awesome!

I guess it is a matter of years before that feature is available to the next moron near you. Or maybe if our leaders’ brains can be networked with decent leaders in other countries where things work. Fat chance.

Oh, by the way, the implications are far reaching. Imagine I need to solve a problem, I could tap into a network brain (Amazon Neural Mesh, say) and have the thoughts done and downloaded to my gray mush.

In fact, I could go on holiday while all my critical thoughts are handled by some badass brain somewhere.

Or if I’m out of job, I could rent my brain out for free. But considering some of the evil thoughts I run through every time, I doubt the quality of my output.

Wait, what if a brain freezes?

You think I made this up? Read it here..

Some people are smart, but is Airtel?

No one had a gripe about NCC laying down the rule that no SMS sent in Nigeria should be more than N4. Who would be angry with such, maybe some banks and of course the Telcos who love to do nothing but rape the living daylight out of our wallets?

Of course, Airtel, ever eager to comply, sent us SMS that we shall now, henceforth be consuming bowls after bowls of SMS at N4 per serving.
But to my amazement, Airtel to Airtel SMS cost N5. At first, I felt I was seeing double (I see double with my left eye – searching for a replacement) but I wasn’t.

Whosoever made that config or decision needs a ride to someplace near Tejuosho market.

Crashing the Cost of Banking: The Bitter Sweet Experience

The Central Bank (of Nigeria, if you really want to know) has been at the fore-front of financial inclusion, and oh, at the forefront of cashless economy.

Obviously they decided to mash the two together.

Kudos can be given to CBN for forcefully yanking our sorry backside from comfortable banking to make things really cashless. Considering that government and regulators are not known for speed or innovation, this is extremely commendable.

So, the CBN started the cashless thingy, did a million road shows and I guess the people we hardly see, the real banking customers, complained about the cost of everything. CBN came back and said, “From December 17, 2012, thou shalt not demand for N100 when your customers use other banks ATMs again!”

What?

You see, the N100 from ATM is almost synonymous with N20 collected by Askaris. You can’t dodge it. But then it cost money, I mean real money – mostly in Benjamins, to make the ATMs and other e-things work. Nothing goes for nothing.

The NCC came around and said, “From February 2013, thou shalt not collect more than N4 from SMS sent within Nigeria.” That is going to hit the pretty backside of SMS alerts. That itself is a story for another day.

Well, the CBN is not done yet – there wouldn’t be any minimum balance any minimum balance anymore. By this time, bankers are looking around bewildered.

Ok, so where do this all lead to? Simple English: Financial Inclusion.
The reality is, the cost of banking could be a barrier to quite a number of customers. Better put, most customers. Take the annoyances – COT, minimum opening balance, minimum balance, ATM fees, transfer fees, bla bla. Customers simply run for the gates. By crashing the fees, CBN is making sure no one has a real excuse for not having an account.

I can see this game evolving over time – I expect that CBN might banish some other fees, put a max on interest that can be charged on loans, a minimum percentage that must be lent to SME (wait, what happened to that 10% of PBT to be invested in SMEs?). Some even think the days of COT are numbered.

The take from everyone is this – in the short term, there would be a dip in revenue but with rapidly growing number of customers flocking to the banks and e-channels, the revenue and potentials will pick-up. This happened in telecoms, I hope and sincerely pray it happens in banking.