I don’t need my eyes anymore.

Last week, I finally dragged myself to check my eyes out and it was an interesting experience of doubting if I may not need those pairs anymore.

You see, my gazing globes have been dimming for a while. It got so bad I was worried I could mistakenly stroll into someone else’s apartment and get myself some slaps. It has been almost 11 years since I got my first pair but unfortunately, because I use the laptop or PC a lot, I tend not to use them.

I promptly got them lost.

So I tried to use contacts, but sticking those stuff into my eyes was an exercise in self flagellation. And even when I managed to stick them on with pepper in my eyes, I still never saw things properly.

I simply resigned to fate. Hoping to outlive the dimness.

Back to getting new glasses. The doctor was pretty nice and pretty as well. She showed me a large scale model of human eyes and ran me through the different parts (or what would you call them?).

She pointed out that the eyes shoot over 10 bits per second through the optic nerves. But as we get older, or with some unfortunate souls with Glaucoma, the nerves start getting on their own nerves – struggling to keep up.

It struck me, if we could do ear implants or change the hips for the elderly, what if we could do something that shows light and vision directly to the optic nerves, bypassing the eyes?

Does that mean we won’t need eyes?

What if those cameras are so good – 8k vision. 20/20. Amazing shit!

What if we could overlay it with web3 🤣🤣 and some few porn?

What if we could send movies directly to it?

What if it could see in 360 so I could see what my annoying kids are doing without me being their

What if the signals could come from my house cameras when I’m not home

Or how would it be getting signals to my brain with a drone?

Or as a scientist, I’m fed by signals from a microscope.

Do I still need eyes?

Van Damme Epic Split on Volvo is Inspiring!

I’m generally a positive person. Or so I think. Some of my friends don’t think so but who cares about them anyway?

How has this got to do with this post?

Ok, some random friend shared Volvo’s advert with me. The Jean Claude Van Damme (JCVD) advert is currently trending nicely on the internet but the most important thing for me is the deep message – you can be what you want to be irrespective of time. JCVD has gone through a fair share time of ups and down but at over 50, he’s got an incredible body. If I did that split, I would be paralyzed for life.
By now you would have known that I have the mentality of geezer but a never say die one.

Jean Claude Van Damme doing the famous Epic Split for Volvo
Go one JCVD, inspire us not to give up!

What do Banks do with their Website?

Most companies in Nigeria are now embracing the internet – at least to put up what looks like websites. Banks have been here before others but I’m not sure if they all know what to do with it.

In my spare time, I ranked all the banks and using the Alexa ranking. Alexa is an Amazon company that aggregates web traffic to rank popularity of website. So for example, Google.com is the number destination  worldwide but number 2 in the USA where Facebook.com reigns (people have time to farf!). Don’t even bother to check my website ranking, nobody apart from me and you visits here.

Access Bankwww.accessbankplc.com33856,440
Citibankwww.citigroup.com/citi/about/countrypresence/nigeria.html 13,270
Diamond Bankwww.diamondbank.com15030,081
Ecobank Nigeriawww.ecobank.com/countryinfo.aspx?cid=74072 44,193
Enterprise Bankweb.entbankng.com 1,623,102
Fidelity Bankwww.fidelitybankplc.com912101,328
First Bankwww.firstbanknigeria.com31638,430
First City Monument Bankwww.firstcitygroup.com3,160354,439
First City Monument Bankwww.fcmb.com4,938348,675
Guaranty Trust Bankwww.gtbank.com183,631
Heritage Bankwww.hbng.com7,1281,058,728
Keystone Bankwww.keystonebankng.com1,590245,477
Mainstreet Bankwww.mainstreetbanklimited.com5,473695,549
Skye Bankwww.skyebankng.com1,050111,101
Stanbic IBTC Bankwww.stanbicibtcbank.com27950,567
Standard Chartered Bankwww.standardchartered.com.ng2,273258,505
Sterling Bankwww.sterlingbankng.com46695,814
Union Bank of Nigeriawww.unionbankng.com1,595190,767
United Bank for Africawww.ubagroup.com32071,157
Unity Bankwww.unitybankng.com3,927757,389
Wema Bankwww.wemabank.com4,458548,194
Zenith Bankwww.zenithbank.com13621,304

Saddest story ever

Akpos and his two friends went to China for vacation. Since they were new at the place, they had to stay in a hotel. They ended up being on the 60th floor. The policy of the hotel was that, at midnight, the elevator is shut down.

The next day, they rented a car and explored the city. They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel pass midnight. The elevators had been shut down. There was no other way to get to their room than to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor.

The first friend said, for the first 20 floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going. Pointing to the second friend) you’ll say wise stories for the next 20 floors, and (pointing to Akpos) you will cover the final 20 floors with sad stories.

They started telling jokes. With lots of laugh and joy, they reached the 20th floor.

The second friend started telling stories full of wisdom. They had learnt a lot on reaching the 40th floor.

Now it was time for sad stories. Akpos said; my first sad story is that I forgot the key to the room in the car.

Posted while on the move

Rain Guage

Akpos’ fiancee invited him over for dinner in her house, so that he could meet her parents.
While they were eating, it started raining heavily. The girl’s mother said: “Akpos, I think you should sleep over here because this rain shows no sign of stopping anytime soon”

After eating, the mom went to the toilet and the father went to sleep while the girl went to the kitchen to clean the plates, when the girl and the mother returned, Akpos was no longer there.
As they were busy wondering where he was, he came back really soaking wet.

Mother: “Where were you and why are you so wet?”

Akpos: “I went home to get my pyjamas”

Posted while on the move