I’m always amazed when I reminisce on the many stupid things I’ve done just to appear cool. I remember when I was a teenager I used to iron the back of my school uniform shirts in a certain way just to have that swagger. Boy, looking back now, that must have been one hell of madness, really!
But when you compare all I did to look cool (I still didn’t look cool, sad!) to what others did or are doing, you will pat me on the back for keeping most of the screws holding my sanity together. Em, you can’t blame me for losing a few.
So which begs the question: why do we desperately want to appear cool? Or what do we want to achieve when we do very outrageous things…to be respected by others?
You want to know what some of us do just to be respected? Here are some:
Lie about who we are
My mum owns the National Theatre or I’m the CEO of Somewhere Limited with interests in oil and gas, properties, etc. I’m also into forwarding and backwarding.
Drop names like it’s hot
Bihari and my dad play draught every weekend and if I don’t call Osinbajo every other day he’s going to throw tantrums, crawl into a little room in Aso Rock and bawl like a child.
Buy things we can’t afford on credit
Social media is replete with car dealers chasing celebrities around on cars not paid for. I know a couple of guys who get first class tickets on credit and then dodge the hapless travel agents for months. Enough said.
Sucking up
Become a lap dog to senior management, celebrities, just to be relevant. They treat you like crap but you take it like blessing all because you want to be seen as part of the hip crowd. You even laugh at their stupid jokes!
Fake it like it’s real
This is pretty common! Buy fake designer bags, shoes and accessories just to look like you’re happening! I once followed a friend into a real Channel store, saw the price tags and left with a profound knowledge that all the Channel brooches I’ve seen in my office are fakes. Walahi!
Date an eye candy
Do all you can to date that super skinny yellow girl with a hip/waist ratio – that can make even a Cardinal lose his faith. It doesn’t matter that she’s emptier than a washed out barrel. Sometimes it is to stick up to the abusive super rich oil tycoon married boyfriend who pounds her with blows better than fufu.
There are many more ways to be a dick head just because we want to be known, seen, respected and be successful. If you think I’m talking about musicians, Nollywood starlets, OAPs, etc. you are so wrong! Their misbehaviors are part of the drama that life gives us as entertainment; their craziness is what defines them. I’m actually referring to the everyday me, you, my cousins and some of your colleagues at work.
Fundamentally somewhere in the deep recess of each of us (especially me) we want to be respected and everything we strive for is to achieve that – money, career, fame, girls, husbands, etc. Since the need to be respected can’t be cured or is innate to us, maybe we should focus our attention on how to be respected in a wholesome manner.
Let me break it down. The best way to be respected is to be good in what you do. No other sustainable way.
I can illustrate this better with two Nigerian women. Dame Patience Jonathan was a favorite punch bag for everyone with her numerous gaffes and poor grammar; she provided a good comic relief. Nothing beats this YouTube performance. Nike Davies Okundaye, on the other hand, represents some of the best things that ever came out of Nigeria. She grew up uneducated but despite that developed herself into a world renown artist.
Both are Nigerian women with poor grammar and don’t speak with phoney but while one is lampooned at every turn, the other is revered. Why? Because everyone knows Nike is good in what she does.
How to get real respect
Understand that the need to be respected isn’t bad. Like the need to get Coldstone Ice Cream or to Netflix, it’s part of every one of us.
Real and enduring respect comes from competence. When you are very good at what you do, and you are smart and consistent, trust me, even your haters will give you sadankata. I don’t like Cristiano Ronaldo and it’s from pure jealousy; he’s rich and I’m not. He has a six-pack but I’ve just a large one. He’s popular but nobody even knows me on my street. Beef aside though, I respect him because he’s good and not from luck; he’s good because he works hard at being good. How do you explain scoring more than 50 goals consistently for 6 straight seasons, na yam?
So put in real efforts into what you do and after a while, everyone will give you the required praise and attention you need. Don’t look for a shortcut, real competence takes a while to have.
Be yourself and don’t try to be others. After all you weren’t born a clone so why become one? You will be surprised that the fancy people you want to be like aren’t even half as good as you are!
Don’t buy what you can’t afford, fake your accent or wear stuff just because it’s the in-thing. Be comfortable in your own skin. By the way, this doesn’t give you liberty to dress like an idiot. Being cultured is part of competence.
Don’t suck up to politicians, celebrities, supervisors, the happening guys in your office, bla bla. It’s just a sad display and will definitely embarrass your kids in the future. You can’t imagine how much I cringe at the sickening display of loyalty in different offices – you call someone young enough to be your child oga or madam etc. just because you want to be relevant, seriously? Dude, do your job!
Understand the fact that being popular wouldn’t last forever so why kill for it? Even if you are the trending item on Twitter today or the most sought after speaker on the talk circuit, after a while everyone would be naturally bored and move on to the next thing. It doesn’t mean you ain’t respected, so don’t sweat it. Continue to do what you are good at. It will most certainly speak for you in the long run.
This brings me to talk about supervisors, managers and other random senior people in random offices. If you want your subordinates or colleagues to respect you, it won’t be by politics or being the boss from hell. Be a leader and be competent. Leadership means you provide your team with vision and you lead them on a mission of towards greatness. Of course discipline is needed and if butts need whopping, please apply whatever whopping is prescribed in the company handbook. But you need to be good and knowledgeable on the job to be respected so preaching leadership alone is – meh! When things are tough, they expect you to reach into your endless wealth of experience to solve whatever problem the team or your subordinate is facing at that time.
This article has also been published at www.bellanaija.com.
Do You Want A Job or a Career?
I was recently giving a career pep talk to my colleagues when one ambitious fellow pulled me aside to ask for the difference between a job and a career. In my usual sarcastic way (I swear, I’m gonna get beaten up one of these days), I wanted to remind him that Google isn’t connected to PHCN (if you ain’t a Nigerian, that’s probably lost on you).
But then I thought deeply about it and found that I didn’t have a ready answer. So that evening, while nursing a tumbler of Vedka, ice and Coke, I sat to dimension it from my own perspective.
The internet is chuck full of different meanings but since jobs and especially careers are deeply personal things, maybe it would be better to look at it from that intimate angle. My definitions are definitely mine and I ain’t making any attempt to be politically correct.
A job is something you do to stay alive while a career is something you stay alive to do.
I’m already having a headache digesting that.
The Job
A job is what you do to earn money for its own sake. You don’t, necessarily, have to like it or even want to stay longer than required. As far as you are concerned, a job puts bread on the table and shirt on your back. You may or may not like your boss. You could even be like some people I know, when bored, you fantasize about beating your supervisor up. Trust me, while it’s a bad thought, it can be satisfying.
You get into a job out of necessity unless you are greedy lass where the perks and the money is what drives you. Jobs can be stressful as you do it for survival; you practically have to drag yourself out of bed each morning just to be there.
If you find someone who is cranky, hardly smiling, drives like a maniac and it’s evening – he’s coming back from a job.
Most jobs are dead-end; but if, and I mean a big if, you can find a light at the end of that job’s tunnel and which isn’t a train, it could become a career.
A Career
If you’ve dated a very cute girl before, you would understand what a career is. You just want to do it. It may or may not pay as much but it makes you satisfied and happy. It’s usually a lifelong obsession.
You make a lot of stupid and irrational decisions about a career – get certifications or additional degrees with the hope that it gets better. You spend long hours toiling away and most often than not a career turns into something successful because when you put in that much passion and energy, you are almost guaranteed to succeed. I know people who have taken pay cuts to drive a career. Careerists and entrepreneurs are cousins – they devote their lives, savings, relationships and everything to something they truly believe in.
How did I find myself in a job?
It’s never a fair world and the fight between job and career isn’t fair either. We all usually start with a job.
You get out of school with a good degree, exaggerated view of yourself and a taller-than-life rosy picture of a career in investment banking or petroleum. In this pictured life, you have a Ferrari at 27 and a private island by 35.
The first thing life does to you is make sure you comb the whole streets of Lagos until you are better than the latest version of Google Maps and can do better traffic update than Tsaboin Traffic talk. A thousand iterations of your résumé (CV) later you land your first job, usually a lowly contact center agent at a telco.
That’s a job.
I know a lot of people who marry people they don’t like but because of the goodness of their hearts, end up loving them. It happens with a job too.
You could start with a job but you make something good out of it. You become good at it and as you progress, people realize you are an expert and treat you as one.
A career is born.
What to do in a job/Upgrading to a career
Having a job isn’t bad. I mean, what’s the alternative? Even pimping is a job; it’s also a career for some… but that’s by the way.
Instead of fretting about how dreadful your job is, you could do the following to move from being in a job to having a satisfying career:
- Be grateful for that job. No matter how terrible you think a job is, as long as it puts money on the table, it’s something to be happy about. Remember, it could be worse if you find your backside on the curb without any means of livelihood. While being grateful though, remember what it is, it’s just a job, don’t sell your soul, whatever it’s worth, for it.
- Go for a very long walk to meditate and ask yourself what you want to do with your life. Don’t do less than 5 kilometers. It’s so simple to know what your career should be – if a genie assured you of success in whatever you do, what would you rather do?
- Be reasonable in your expectations before your wife kicks you out of the house. Or how do you think she will react if you suddenly came up with the idea of a career in medicine when you lately spent N1M doing your 40th birthday?
- If you think you can get joy out of your current job, then ask what you need to turn it into a career. You could have anchor role models and find out what they did to get to where they are or what set them apart in their fields.
- Once you’ve decided on that career then act! Nothing kills a career faster than procrastination. The best time to start a good career was yesterday but the next best time is right now. Do you need some certifications to be able to practice? Go for it now. How much do you know about these career field? Read like a mad man! Does anyone know you and your capabilities? Go to industry events, network, play, mingle!
- The journey to a career nirvana is narrow and full of blistering thorns but you can’t pull back. Long after the enthusiasm of being a CFA has died, you must have enough resolve in your reservoir to pull you to the next level.
- A career is like a mahogany tree, it takes years and lorry loads of attention, affection and money for it to grow and blossom into something beautiful. Don’t play with fire while at it.
- A career is a demanding mistress, it will take all of you. It can also be a bitch, it doesn’t care how much effort you have put in previously, if you don’t keep at it, you could lose it on a whim.
A Nice Job vs. Career, who wins?
I have discussed the easy part, here’s something to drive you crazy: You are sometimes unfortunate to be faced with a superbly paying job and just a career, which would you choose?
This article has also been published at www.bellanaija.com.
Your Job Is Leaving You Angry & Frustrated? Stop the Gripe… Do Something!
I’m a classical corporate áshéwó! Don’t blame me, if you don’t hop around, you don’t get to be on top, and nothing beats being on top. Every guy knows that!
When you jump around, like some of us understandably do, you will notice quite a lot – mostly bad things. I’ve observed how people complain about their careers – the lack of traction to get to the top.
So justifiably, I want to rant about this. By the time you finish reading this, you could either give me a good kick at my scrawny backside or canonize me as Saint Adédèjì.
It’s human to complain about everything – Nigeria, corruption, traffic, taxes, Buhari, etc. In fact, the only thing certain, apart from change (or lack of one), is that there will always be someone who complains about something (or the other).
However, when complaining about your career is what you do for pastime, then maybe you should just enlist in the Kvetch Amateur Olympics. If you don’t know the meaning of that, Google still works!
Top dogs don’t complain, they act because they are hot dogs!
One thing I know for sure is that guys with flying careers hardly complain, they act. You feel that something should be done? Just get it done and not raise a storm about how it’s Admin Department that should have done it.
Top dogs hold themselves and others accountable and can be nasty about it. They notice the little details and they demand that others meet their standards. And when the organizations or their bosses can’t meet up, they simply leave; no need hanging around being bitter about how things aren’t going their way.
You are responsible for your career!
I don’t know anyone who is totally satisfied with his career progression – it’s always slow. However, you have 100% control on what to do with it. While your company decides if you should be promoted or not, you are the one to make a decision if you still want to work there. If you strongly believe that you deserve that push or the pay upgrade and you ain’t getting it, then they don’t deserve you. Make them pay for their misbehavior, leave!
But somewhere at the back of our minds, we know that we may not be good as we think we are. So instead of complaining, why don’t you ask yourself how you can be better? For example, the economy is tough now, why don’t you lead the cost optimization effort of your company? Why don’t you follow the sales and marketing guys to that uncle of yours to land a deal?
If you don’t have an uncle, adopt one.
Upgrade yourself
Everyone loves a new shinning toy. Right now, I’m hustling for a new Samsung S7 and already thinking of selling one of my friends into slavery just to get it.
Honestly, apart from throwing in more efforts at work, you also need to upgrade your on-the-job skills. If you are engineer, the world has probably moved on to new ways of engineering, get those skills. If you are a doctor in a general hospital, don’t be content with doing wákà wákà around the wards impressing female nurses or doing dangerous abortions, upgrade your expertise and become a consultant. Save the world!
Efforts alone don’t count; rare skills are important. It’s simple law of economics – demand and supply. When your services can be easily replaced by younger, cheaper and more nimble others, it will happen – unless there is something else going down between you and your boss. It’s a logical conclusion, isn’t it?
Develop your network
You will feel better when you find out that your job is not more miserable than your neighbor’s. Nothing beats schadenfreude. How will you know if you don’t have a social life?
To move your career up a notch, you need to connect with like minds and be very active in your social network. It will allow you to compare notes with others in similar unfortunate job roles. You will most likely be remembered if a good position becomes vacant. If you are engaged enough, someone may even mistake you for an expert and lands you a decent job that blows your mind.
So be active on LinkedIn, go for industry events, and polish your CVs shinier than a soldier’s boot. Many guys have landed jobs just by forwarding great CVs at a moment’s notice.
Be appreciative of that job
Nigeria is hard; having a job that ensures food on the table, month-in-month-out, is a blessing. What you don’t know is you could have a better career growth if you are appreciative, and the appreciation shows in your attitude to work. Employers don’t like a mean-spirited employee who can’t be satisfied and who growls around the corridors like a wounded local dog.
Do you feel your job is horrible and underpays? Lose it first and see how hard it’s to get a replacement. You know the sad part? The dude who replaces you will probably earn less and do a better job.
Remember, life is never perfect
Think about it: our spouses will never be the most beautiful, our kids won’t always be the first in their classes; our parents won’t be the poshest, richest, bla bla bla. So just add your job to one of life’s injustices, live with it!
I’m not asking that you accept mediocrity, nope, far from it. I mean accept the realities of life and make the best out of what you have instead of pining for the unattainable. Stevie Wonder is blind, but he didn’t look for artificial eyes or blame providence for poor workmanship, instead we count his music as one of the best oldies.
In Summary
I’m not disputing that some jobs are made from hell – many bosses are so horrible they make the devil cringe in shame. But then complaining does more damage that just annoying friends – it can also damage your health, and probably your reputation as well.
So, if that job is that bad, just do something about it, maybe just leave. But if you know you aren’t able to get another one, just be a good boy, dig back, make yourself better and trust me a good opportunity is around the corner.
This article was also published at www.bellanaija.com.
The Artificial Intelligence (AI) Challenge
I’ve been on the AI train for quite a while. Sounds like the next thing humans will do but you never know it may end up like the disappointment genetics ended up being despite the promises of 1990s.
Google AI recently spanked someone at the game of Go, considering that “someone” is one of the best humans at Go, that’s something.
Suddenly everyone is sitting up with many bandying around the belief that there would be Armageddon when machines take over the world. It won’t probably end that way but then who knows?
What I know is that AI has been quietly creeping into our daily lives without anyone even noticing. Your smartphones are chuck full of blistering AI technologies. When Siri is bantering about all sorts of rubbish, you think it’s your cousin?
For me the greatest challenge AI can face is being able to analyze video – recorded or live stream.
Before I go into more explanations, AI today can check a picture and identify items in it. Facebook can see a picture and identify all your friends in there. Scary enough? No, hear this: Facebook can identify you from pictures even when your face isn’t visible.
All I want is to have AI watch a video and tell me the plot of the story or watch a live camera feed and tell if something untold is happening. This is beyond facial or material identification, this is AI understanding plot!
At least I can spare myself the horrors of watching Batman V Superman and let the damn AI just tell me it ain’t worth visiting the cinema.
Core Banking Software in Nigeria as of 2016
This is probably the third time I’m writing about core banking software in Nigeria. I did that in 2011 and it’s interesting to see how banking software has evolved in Nigeria since then. The choice of core banking software is not trivial and a wrong move can spell disaster. Banks are usually very conservative about who and what to choose; hardly do you see mavericks in this line of business.
And boy oh boy, this software can be so expensive but frankly, I don’t know why they are. My experience with three of them have left me grossly unimpressed – buggy, poor user experience, lags years behind modern technology, lacks all the good features a proper human being desires, etc.
Meanwhile, kindly pardon my unusual curiosity about things like this.
| Bank | Website | Software |
| Access Bank | www.accessbankplc.com | FLEXCUBE |
| Citibank | www.citigroup.com/nigeria | FLEXCUBE |
| Diamond Bank | www.diamondbank.com | FLEXCUBE |
| Ecobank | www.ecobank.com | FLEXCUBE |
| Fidelity Bank | www.fidelitybank.ng | Finacle 7 |
| First Bank of Nigeria | www.firstbanknigeria.com | Finacle 10 |
| First City Monument Bank | www.firstcitygroup.com | Finacle 10 |
| Guaranty Trust Bank | www.gtbank.com | Basis |
| Heritage Bank | www.hbng.com/ | Finacle 10 |
| Keystone | www.keystonebankng.com/ | T24 |
| Skye Bank | www.skyebankng.com | FLEXCUBE |
| Stanbic IBTC Bank | www.stanbicibtcbank.com | Finacle 10 |
| Standard Chartered Bank | www.standardchartered.com/ng | eBBS |
| Sterling Bank | www.sterlingbankng.com | Banks |
| Union Bank | www.unionbankng.com | FLEXCUBE |
| United Bank for Africa | www.ubagroup.com | Finacle 10 |
| Unity Bank | www.unitybankng.com | Banks |
| Wema Bank | www.wemabank.com | Finacle 10 |
| Zenith Bank | www.zenithbank.com | Phoenix |
The software Lineup
| In 2011 | Now 2016 |
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Notes *
- Skye Bank dropped Finacle when it acquired Mainstreet Bank (which was Afribank in 2011)
- Finacle lost a site when Heritage Bank, which wasn’t even in existence in 2011, bought Enterprise Bank. Enterprise Bank was Spring Bank in 2011
- FLEXCUBE lost a site when Access Bank took over InterContinental Bank
More About The Core Banking Software
Finacle is a complete suite of banking applications from Infosys, one of the largest technology companies in India.
FLEXCUBE is from Oracle Financial Services. FLEXCUBE was initially i-Flex software but the company was bought by Oracle in 2005 during one of its famous spending sprees. A bit of history: FLEXCUBE was originally developed by Citibank and was spurned off as Citicorp Information Technologies Industries Limited, an independent company. FLEXCUBE is highly regarded globally with about 700 installations in 125 countries and has won Core Banking Solution of the Year and Application of the Year from The Banker.
Basis and Banks are from ICS Financial Services, a midsize Jordanian/UK software company with about 45 installations worldwide.
Despite the fact that the Nigerian market is dominated by 2 major software from India, the core banking software business is rich and varied worldwide. To read more about other banking systems, head over to http://www.inntron.co.th/corebank.html.