An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, and he called his grandson to his bed.
“Grandson, I wan you to lissin to me. I wan you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns, … how about leaving me your Rolex watch instead.”
“You lissin to me. Some day you gonna be runnin da bussiness, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotta money, lotta lolitas,a big home and maybe a coupla of bambinis. Someday you gonna come home and maybe find ya wife in bed with another man. Whadda ya gonna do then? Pointa da watch and say, … TIME UP?”
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At a Christmas party in Melbourne last year the staff decided to pull a joke on their boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes on everyone else.
When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his Lotto ticket. Then, they wrote down his numbers and called over the waitress to set up a little prank. She came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night’s Lotto numbers, and then proceeded to read them out loud before setting the numbers on the table.
The boss looked at the numbers, then casually pulled out his wallet and compared them. He became really silent, put his wallet back in his jacket and sat down again breathing really rapidly, and looking totally blown away. After a couple of minutes he pulled out his wallet and Lotto ticket again,and checked the numbers, very very carefully.
Then, he sculled his drink, stood up on his chair and shouted out to the whole room: “I just want to let you all know something. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary for months. I don’t like any of you, and I have hated working for this company. You can all go to Hell, ‘cos I’ve just won a shit-load of money, and I’m leaving!”
End of job.
End of marriage.
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One mallam bought eggs, on reaching the house he broke one and found there was no yolk no ditto subsequent ones. He then shouted “kai dis chickens don dey use condom!”.
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NATIONAL EXPORT
In line with the Federal Government’s renewed drive to encourage exports, a group of experts have come up with suggestions on how to improve the image of our local products by making their names attractive and in line with International Standards on exports. Feel free to offer suggestions.
- Kuli kuli – Peanut bars
- Donkuwa/Robo Alata – Hot Charcolit nuts
- Kilichi – Beef Crackers
- Dundun – Yamarita
- Fried Potato – Potarita
- Pako/Atu (Chewing stick) – Dental Stickos
- Boli – Barbecue Plantain
- Roasted corn – Corn Aflame
- Eko/Agidi – Corn Jellos
- Abacha – Cass Flakes
- Moin moin – Bean pie
- Isi ewu – Goat-hedo lickins’ (remember ur fingers)
- Garri – Grain o’ fibres
- Bokoto/ Nkwobi – Hoof salad
- Ogi/Akamu – Corn Caramel
- Kpof kpof – Energy Buns
- Chin chin – Dough Rocks
- Zobo – Juice Rosa Afrik
- Kunnu – Grain Alive
- Burundi – Cocno Jaw-Breakers
- Bread and Akara – Bean cake Burger
- Ofada rice – Unpolished Rice for Vegetarian
- Adalu – Lentils & Grain Salad
