Author: Adedeji Olowe

Adedeji / a bunch of bananas ate a monkey /

MTN and Etisalat vs Me

I ported from MTN to Etisalat about a month ago. That isn’t news.

I’m naturally a loyal person – I could have broken a few hearts but it’s nothing personal just business. After all I have been using same drycleaner all my professional life and the thought of dumping them, even when I moved to the other side of town, is painful.

But MTN had it coming – the data service doesn’t work well. Voice is trashy; and then they started stealing my money. It got so bad they could have done better if they robbed me at gunpoint in daylight or nighttime depending on what’s convenient, not for me, but for them.

So on a bright Saturday afternoon, my daughter playing the dutiful sidekick, we marched down to Etisalat and got the freaking phone ported.

It felt good.
Only for a while.

You see, Etisalat works but they are darn expensive. How I managed to go through double what I used to pay monthly at MTN (less the robbery) still baffles me. Also the data varnishes so fast I turned my phone bottom up to see if it’s leaking data. At least that should have formed a puddle, somewhere.

I don’t know what I’m going to do, an evil thought is forming though. I could get a dual SIM phone and use an Etisalat for the data and MTN for the voice but the thought of porting back isn’t pleasant. You see, I have some little imps working in my office who are going to jeer on toadstools if I dare port back to MTN. I’m sure those guys are getting paid to make my life miserable. That’s an aside.

Electronic Payment Gets Interesting

Somewhere in the news, PayPal finally admitted Nigeria into its elite club as you can now use your Naija issued cards to register. But come to think of it, was it because of the pressure? Or because Nigeria is less fraudulent? Probably not. My experience with PayPal has been shitty at best so I’m sure it wasn’t done for some altruistic reasons.

My take? They probably started seeing numbers showing that Nigerians not only travel too much (Lagos – London is one of the most lucrative routes in the world and Emirates flies 3 times into Nigeria on any day. Kenya Airways practically hovers over Lagos) but also spend just too much, including what they haven’t earned yet.

In my previous life hawking cards like omo alata all over Africa I witnessed the gradual build out of card transactions on Amazon, Alibaba, Asos, etc. and any half brained nitwit can imagine where the trajectory is heading. Now the dudes in PayPal are not dumb (not sure ignoring Nigeria before was a smart move) and are jumping into the fray.

Or could it be connected to the fact that Amazon has launched a competing payment service that works better (Amazon is simply amazing) and has over a hundred million users to start with?

In other news, I could see the gradual loss of influence on card business in Nigeria. Get me right, the card business is booming but the other non-card payment sector is growing at a fast greater clip. POS is finally looking like a decent investment. ATMs have become invisible – you just expect them to be there. Internet banking is still the black sheep of the family, it hardly works and you just tolerate it like a bad mother-in-law but this one isn’t going to keel over yet. I would give a pass mark to Cashless Nigeria – it hasn’t been easy but I think we will finally get there. In 5 years time, mark my word, we electronic payment will own this town.

I don’t know what issues Nigeria has with Mobile Money – it isn’t just happening. I believe that sweating to replicate what happened in Kenya is just a frustrating cul de sac. Of recent I have been having some beautiful thoughts on what I feel we could do to make the Mobile Money corpse walk (I’m not morbid, Hardley Chase said that!).

Enough of the ranting for today.

Life is a Soccer Game – Not Over Until the Whistle Blows

Two events over the last few weeks have reinforced one thing for me – it is not over until it’s over.

First Event
The 2014 Champions League Final at Lisbon had two teams from Madrid. It couldn’t have been better for any city – head or tail you win. Athletico Madrid was the underdog and had everyone rooting for them (why do people always root for the underdog?). Game on! They had a lead up till the very last moment then they cracked and Real Madrid scored. Game went to extra time where Athletic got the spanking of their lives.

Second Event
USA vs Portugal at the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. It is another underdog versus a mid-size dog. It is amazing how the USA could be called an underdog with a straight face; it isn’t often that you have them right under. First they conceded then they matched up and then lead the game. 30 seconds to go, a crack appeared somewhere and Portugal scored.

Lesson Learned
Lessons from these events for me? You hold on till the referee or life blows the final whistle because a moment of laxity can undo everything. Just like running against an escalator – it doesn’t make any difference how long you ran, once you stop, you go back to square one. In fact you could be worse off since you already expended some energy.

I Can Search for Anything

Wearable technology is pretty hot and in fact so hot that Amazon set-up a dedicated shop front for it. Now you can enhance your life, or whatever is left of it, with all types of thingamajigs but the long-term usefulness is a subject of debate.

It’s time we upend that argument with wearable technology that can actually do something important such as searching while you amble about.

Wearable technologies are pieces of items, clothing or some random stuff we put on ourselves but with embedded smart that can interact with us or the environment.

For example, all those fitness bands that count the number of steps (and make you feel guilty for sitting on your fat backside all day) or your pulse (if you are still alive) are wearable tech. Nike and Apple have been on this for over a century.

Google got in the game and made Google Glass which is the most popular or maybe the most obnoxious and controversial. In fact, it is getting banned left right and center. That is by the way.

What’s more interesting has been Google’s attempt to open the SDK/GDK/API of the Glass such that guys could write apps to leverage on its capabilities. Stuffs like navigations apps have been done and they are quite awesome.

What if I can look at anything and then Glass can search for its name, its price and all that sh*t. Imagine hanging out at the local supermarket and I can Glass (new verb) a grocery barcode and it tells me it is a dollar cheaper at a store just few minutes away (location awareness)? That would be a breath-taking app!

Or I’m out there camping (you actually believe I camp?) and I look at an insect and it gives me the Wikipedia entry that tells me the furry 8-legged dude is a tarantula and I should sprint as fast as my stubby legs could carry my body with love handles and midsection jiggling along.

I’m not a healthy living freak but I have whipped up a sufficient amount of guilt to help me in divorcing my rapidly bulging mid-section which is glued to me like stuck on you. So with this All Seeing Glass I could wink at a bowl of food, it IDs the stuff and tells me how many pounds of fat is going to join its brothers in my pot belly. That would be fantastic!

Maybe law enforcement could see some nice looking well-dressed fella and using facial recognition our Olopa will know he’s the badass leader of Boko Haram coming to scope the next bomb site. Ok, this wouldn’t work. One, almost every one of the top companies are running away from facial recognition because of the privacy issues and two I doubt if the Nigerian Police or military know any of the would be bombers even if he’s a local newscaster.

I could also use it to pass my GMAT exam – that is what some of my younger friends would want. Too bad fellow, that ain’t gonna happen!